Letter for the future

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I remember thinking, "I will never do THAT when I am a parent!"  Now I can't tell you what that was as my grown-up self just doesn't remember.  It might have been to not ground my children or never to ask them to clean their rooms or something of the sort.  It might have been something that would actually be helpful as a parent now.  I sure do wish that I had written it down - for posterity's sake if nothing else. 

I was recently talking with friends about the things we hope to remember when we are grandparents.   So, I have decided to write down some of the things discussed for future reference.  To begin, for the dear grandparents reading this blog entry, please know that this is not meant as a criticism to you.  I'm sure most of these reminders are things my friends mentioned, not me.  :-)  I love you and am so very glad that you love and enjoy our kids!  This is simply a funny little way to leave a reminder to myself for the future.  I will be old(ish).  Based upon current detail-retention abilities, I will most likely be forgetful.  Please bear with me (both now and then!).

Dear future Grandma Jen,

It has probably been awhile since you had little kids around the house.  There are some very important things I would like to remind you of when it comes to loving little ones (and their parents).  Because you are old(ish) you probably don't remember these things.  Mom Jen to the rescue!

First of all, it is hard to hear other people's children cry.  Painfully hard.  Remember to respect the wishes of your children and their spouses when it comes to bedtimes and routines.  Sometimes kids need to cry it out.

Next up, respect naps and bedtimes.  Yes, you are probably having fun with the grand kids but it will not be fun for long if they don't get the sleep they NEED.  I know you love to take naps - and even if they say they don't, the kids do too, so let them.  Now, getting off schedule for a day or two isn't such a big deal to you, but remember that it might mean days of difficulty for your own children in getting the Grands back into a routine.  Perhaps this is not an issue as some parents are more laid-back than others.  Just keep it in mind and be thoughtful and kind in your schedule-keeping.

This next part is VERY IMPORTANT, especially for young kids.  Meal times are crucial!  While it is easy for adults, teens and even older kids, to adjust eating schedules, it is NOT easy nor advisable to hold off meals for little ones.  This will result in melt-downs...both from the grand kids and from their parents.  ;-)  If lunch is normally around 11:30, feeding the kids at 12 might be okay.  Feeding them at 1:30 will be very not okay.  If you have invited your child and his/her family over for a meal and have specified a time you are planning to eat, please stick to that time as much as possible.  This will make everyone happy.

Please remember that things change.  Perhaps the way you did things (or think you did things) is not the advisable way anymore.  It is okay to give advice in a loving manner but it is not okay to insist that things be done your way.  I know you.  You are stubborn and really like to be right.  Quit it.

One important thing to remember is that parenting is hard.  Being with little kids day in and day out is exhausting.  Do not discount what your own children are going through as they walk through parenthood.  If you are able, help out by keeping the grand kids and giving your kids a break.  There is nothing better as a parent than free babysitting!

In closing, I would like to remind you to just enjoy being with your grand kids.  Be patient, kind, loving and spoil them with attention.  You don't need to plan lots of stuff to do - just come alongside and join in what they are doing.  Build a tower.  Draw a butterfly.  Read them a book.  Watch that cartoon or video game (even though you would rather be doing anything else).  The best way to love your own child and in-law is to truly enjoy being with their kids.

Now, go give those grand kids a great big hug (and maybe a little piece of candy)!   

Love,
Jen from the past